I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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