thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
