and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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