His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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