in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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