if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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