i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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