if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
