I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
