My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize