So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
