did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
