You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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