high people should be assigned attendants
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
