Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
