it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
