As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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