Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
