Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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