Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
