I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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