I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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