In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
