My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
