Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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