I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Another day, another engagement, another cat
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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