apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
