I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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