Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
