apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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