I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
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Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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