we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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