Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
