I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Alive.
So much puke
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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