The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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