don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
