Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
