He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
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It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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