I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
