i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
