I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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