Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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