I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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