Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
