Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
