Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
