he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
