worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
