Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
third nipple confirmed
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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