Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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