just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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