3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
