it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
