Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
