how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
