We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
