I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
How's work?
Spinning.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
