wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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