don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
