they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
