some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Fuck me I smell like cheese
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
