So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
