got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
