4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
