wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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