OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
