I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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