Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we're making bets on your personal life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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