We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
