she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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