you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
