Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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