I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
