U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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